I'm a lifelong fan of the Foo Fighters, among many others. Their music has had a positive impact for me in many points in my life. Shockingly, you might think, I have yet to see the Foo Fighters live in concert. I was meant to go for the first time in July 2022, as I had purchased tickets as a christmas gift to my significant other (so secretly a gift for myself too, shamelessly). We are both big fans who have yet to see them perform live so it made sense. We were devastated and heartbroken when we heard the news. Which I know doesn't mean much coming from some nobody fans, but I strongly empathize with Taylor's family, friends, and bandmates. After some introspection, I came to the realization that Taylor Hawkins was a foundational pillar in the structure of my personality and how I view myself. We'll come back to that.

We watched the tribute concert from Wembley stadium livestreamed at home, just enjoying the music and the emotion of all these legendary music icons coming together and paying homage the best way they knew how to a friend. Listening to the performance of My Hero with Shane Hawkins followed by Everlong left us both sitting on that couch silently crying, trying to collect ourselves. Such a powerful and cathartic performance. The historical signifance of My Hero notches a new meaning. Everlong is one of the greatest songs ever written. My significant other would likely tell you the same, she has 'everlong' tattooed on her shoulder, which is stronger credentials than I have, but gives you a good idea of our love and enjoyment of the song. Regardless, they carry a lot of meaning for a lot of people.

So, another Foo Fighters song that means a lot to me is The Pretender. The music video for The Pretender came out, according to youtube, in October 2009. I watched it constantly. I was in eighth grade. I had quite long hair. I loved that song and I watched the music video all the time. For my young eighth grade brain, I just couldn't get enough of listening to it because I thought it was so cool. I still think it is an incredible song, for the record. Every bit was so well orchestrated and the pure feeling it evoked - was a treasure to me. The juxtaposition in the quite soft part of the bridge that transforms into such a beautifully loud wall of noise is *chef's kiss*. The song's great, but that's not actually my point. The video is also equally great - not necessarily my point either.

Refresher from earlier - I had quite long hair and I was in the eighth grade. Now, why does that matter? I was never someone who had much confidence in myself or in my looks. Eighth grade is an awkward year for most, myself included and so I had long straight hair that I parted in the middle and boy let me tell you, it rarely looked good. I don't blame myself, I didn't know what I was doing at the time (I say that as if I do now, I don't). The original context of the scene escapes me - but as I recall it, I was talking to my mom and sister about my hair and what to do with it, style it, whatever else. I had open on my computer, the youtube video of the music video for The Pretender up and the discussion led to something like - 'do you want to look like him?' - aiming the question towards the drummer, Taylor Hawkins. This is genuinely what changed my perception on - myself, how I view the world, how I should carry myself. My external response was likely full of, 'well, ya know, I mean, like' among other milquetoast (why does everyone on the internet now love that word?) words to diffuse the tension. I more vividly remember my internal monologue responding with, 'fuck yea I do, that guy looks fucking badass'.

You know, incredibly nerd shit. I certainly didn't have that sort of confidence, at least around most people. But that was the way I felt, you know. So, without necessarily realizing it I believe I internalized that interaction and made it a part of my persona. That was like middle school or start of high school, and I didn't really improve much about my style or personality in that way so it was a real slow burn. As I went through college I think I started to come into my own and now today years later I feel a lot better and more confident in my choices of clothes and hair. Maybe I still don't know what I'm doing at all - but I feel better about it. Feeling better about it makes me feel better in general. I'm thankful for that.

I think its important to identify those figures in your life that are cornerstone childhood heroes that you maybe don't realize at the time what they meant to you. Maybe that isn't a revelation to people, but it helps me realize moving forward who should receive more recognition for their actions, either personally, internally amongst my peers or publicly. Not all heroes are celebrated equally and its worthwhile to try and get others to see the value in people that don't get the recognition they deserve. Those that you look up to don't have to be perfect because everyone's human, but it's important to find the bits that made someone who they are and use those features as a guiding light to emulate and improve oneself. I didn't think this would turn into what sounds like a self help essay. If this is helpful to anyone else then I think that is great but in reality I'm trying to recognize for myself the people and moments that were helpful to me.

This wasn't necessarily my point when starting this, but as a point of self reflection - that moment sticks with me for whatever reason. One of those moments that stand out in your brain as a core memory when you feel like you don't understand why you remember it so vividly but you do, like a commercial for cars that came out years prior to the release of the movie. I'm not sure why they did that. Either way, this is for me a way to write down in some more long lasting form the transformative memories of my youth that I want to continue remembering. It's also an opportunity to ramble. anyway.

I mentioned that I hadn't ever seen the Foo Fighters in concert. It's not for a lack of some trying though. I did say I was meant to go in July 2022. Before that though, a few years prior I had wanted to go to their concert in Camden, NJ at what was formerly known as the Susquehanna Bank Center. I was still in high school at the time but had my drivers license and a car. Asking around nobody wanted to go to the show with me - mostly because Camden is Camden. I was otherwise persuaded not to go by myself - mostly because Camden is Camden. So I didn't go. I really wish I did. Of course at the time I didn't think I needed to make a further effort to convince someone else to come with or just go by myself. I just thought, they'll be on tour again and I'll go see them then. blah